Pop punk and Azaleas

Danger Will Robinson

2010-11-04T17:30:00.005-05:00

Branwen is trying to kill me too, I think. Her method is leaning more toward "heart attack" rather than "sleep deprivation" Iyana was more of a never sleep kinda girl, but if you told her no about something she more or less did as she was asked. Until she turned three. Three year olds are always trying to kill you somehow- probably heart attack again, but only because of the *blood pressure spikes. Anyway, Branwen is barely mobile and she is already trying to scoot over to put stupid shit in her mouth. Like the carseat. Or simply attempting to stand on her head out of the bumbo seat to get to a toy that she dropped. Or bonking her head when she rolls over, then screaming about it. My ultimate favorite thing that she does is to go from mostly silently watching things around her to BIRD NOISES! REALLY FREAKING LOUD! Serously, she sounds like a crow.

*Random: I don't have high blood pressure, I have low blood pressure. Every time I go to the doctor, they think that I am dead or dying.

Does this mean that I am a vampire? Grrr. No low men in yellow coats here.

Why exactly do we have to capitalize the H and the B in Happy Birthday?

My mother in law's birthday is next Tuesday or Thursday or something.

Tonight tonight

2010-11-02T19:45:00.002-05:00

I just found out something that boggles my mind. To paraphrase Forest Gump, that is all I am going to say about THAT.

I forget all the time where I left off with this blog.

New baby girl is thriving, her little thighs are getting chubby and she can now move around on her quilt with impunity. I am not ready to have a mobile child yet, but yeah, whether I want for it to happen or not, she is mobile. I think that she may be our sleeper, but she may also be our danger ranger. She already likes to pull stuff over on top of herself.

Every morning, we get up and she gets a diaper change. I get myself a cup of coffee and then I put her down on her blanket. She plays contentedly for an hour while I drink coffee and get breakfast ready for the Original Spoiled Child. Big one is notoriously bad at mornings. Kid is my mini me.

I think that maybe I need to give the kids pseudonyms. The now three year old, soon to be FOUR year old will now be dubbed Iyana and the little one, now 5 months will be.....Branwen. Names are subject to change if I feel like it, and if their personalities change to make something better more appropriate. Ha. I just gave ya a disclaimer. And the only reason I give them pseudonyms is because I get tired of posting "the little one" or "the big one" or "spoiled child" etc. Monikers are better.

Bullet points of DOOM!

2010-09-10T12:27:00.002-05:00

we have another kid now. Another girl, born at the end of May.
Spoiled Child is three and a half and freaking awesome
still rocking in the southland
I have a van, it is also supremely awesome- It is named Rufus McIntosh, but I call it Mac.
That's all I can think of now. I need to get busy.

I think I'm paranoid...

2009-01-29T11:14:00.001-06:00

Seriously, I always think the worst of people.

Even if they have done nothing to me, I worry over their tone, their hand gestures, their judgement. I wish that I could get over it, but I always feel like people are talking about me or out to get me. I hate to have women at my house because I know that they notice every speck of dirt and every toy out of place, that the windows aren't washed and there is a dish in my sink. Paranoid.

Catching up

2009-01-28T07:36:00.002-06:00

So this whole thing has descended (ascended?) into updates about my kidlet. That's okay I guess, but I still need to update it more.

Not since November, but since November we have had:
Thanksgiving
Christmas
New Years
Kid's birthday.

That's a lot of stuff to cram into two months. Feels crazy now.

We did Thanksgiving dinner at Jasin's house, then all of the Christmas crazy at our house, my parent's, then my grandparents and then after 10, we went to his parent's house to see his folks and his grandparents. It's a lot of running.

Little bit celebrated her second on the tenth of this month. We had her party from 2-4, and most of that time was spent opening gifts, because every toy she'd open, she wanted to play with RIGHT NOW. "open it" etc.

Recently it has been open season on old friends calling me up to see how things are. First the only guy to make it from art school, then a high school friend that had lived more of life at 16 than I had at 20, then "cuz" a friend from grade school that I adopted as my cousin, and vice versa. I talk to her every day, these days. Fun stuff.

The little one has some new ones, but my current favorite is the story of how our cat "Newnew" killed the mouse. Said mouse was on our porch one morning, and I didn't manage to pick it up before she saw it. Little bit walked outside and saw the mouse, and told me "Newnew killed Mickey Mouse" She's been repeating it for days now and though I have corrected her, told her that it wasn't Mickey Mouse, I die laughing inside every time I hear it.

Mickey is dead, long live the Mouse King.

2008-11-21T09:53:00.002-06:00

It's been a month, huh? My bad.

The little one is growing right up and I am REALLY bad at documenting said growing up with any kind of constancy.

List of things that she is currently obsessed with

Loves My Little Pony
The little mermaid (still)
Sleeping Beauty (to Jasin's chagrin)
coloring
playing outside
collecting rocks
cottage cheese
peaches
brushing hair- her own, mine, Jasin's, her baby's, the cats
The Pumpkin King

List of things she currently dislikes

Shoes/ socks. Is amused by playing with them, but not by wearing them.
washing her hair.
getting a diaper change.
taking naps
washing her face
sweet peas
Jasin's game
Any kind of goodbye now brings tears
leaving Me-maw's house ( not a chosen name, Me-maw wanted to be grandma, but Little bit changed her name)

All things that Little miss doesn't like are met with criticism and scorn, full on hissy fits and outright refusal to do whatever. Of course, it doesn't work out for her like she wants most of the time... but she tries:)

Some days I feel like we are raising this quirky genius- I can brag, it is my blog. She plays with trucks and babies with equal time spent on each... she already asks for and loves things that are over her head and I can just SEE the little gears working in her head... she tries out new sentences and phrases like she is tasting them, trying to find their meaning. She puts her crayons back in the box all facing the same direction and got angry at me for putting the wrong tops on her markers. I don't care which top goes on which marker, so long as they are put up...she wanted them to match. Funny girl.

I now have Poison Control bookmarked.

2008-10-24T15:15:00.003-05:00

So yeah, things with the Spoiled Child have been.... going. For someone who's birthday isn't until January, she sure is TWO right now. Hey lovely pediatrician, remember when you said that two was going to be fun because she was doing most of her tantruming early? I would like for you to meet my daughter. Oh, you've met her before? Well, maybe she is just way more hardcore than most kids, because DAMN, the tantruming just keeps right on going, like the freaking energizer bunny(tm).

So, about poison control. See, I am this lazy kind of housekeeper and baby watcher. My house isn't filthy by any means, but clutter and things going back where they belong? Not good at that.

Yesterday afternoon I changed a diaper and she had a rash, I put the cream on and chucked the wet diaper. Left the cream on the couch. She got up on the couch last night and ate the cream. SHE ATE A&D OINTMENT. I read the label and it said to call poison control. I look up the number and call- they PUT ME ON HOLD! Only for like,30 seconds, but I was still kinda freaking out.... A&D ointment will give you diarrhea if you eat it, that's all. Still scary, though.

Who eats butt cream, really? A&D kinda stinks. Her breath was really funky.

(Oh, and Jasin? Totally losing his shit the entire time I was on the phone. LOL)

BTW, spell check says that 'tantrumming' isn't a word. 'Isn't' isn't either. Neither is Jasin or LOL. Maybe I AM ignorant I dunno.

21 months:words

2008-10-07T08:16:00.003-05:00

So mean!
Mean mommy
Hungry, eat.
Juice
Apple Juice
Water (still sounds like wattie)
Swimin'
Splash
wake up
shysta
sweet coon
new new (these last 3 are cat names- the last is supposed to be newbie but*shrug*)
watch it
coffee
coffee cup
chocolate
candy
chip
rice cake
cheese
peaches
blueberries
oatmeal
diaper
poop
potty
bath
*PINK* bath
bubbles
bread
happy cake
hat
pumpkin
I love you
shirt
witch
mermaid
mean daddy (the dad from the little mermaid, not Jasin)
hot hot
hurt *Name* effectively "hurt me"
steps
pinch
dog
bad dogs
rainin'
grass
dirty
shoes
socks
Book
baby
lion
lion king
tiger
zebra
horsie
deer
bunny
elephant (sounds more like lelephant)
medicine
brush teeth (alternately brush teefies)
bird
rock
puppy
Hush puppy
^^alternately "shut up, dog"
glasses
hair
brush
bucket
basket
bag
purse
breakfast
eggs
grits
bar (fruit bars)
popcorn
nose
eyes
ears
elbow
hands
feet
mouth
teeth
eyebrow
birth mark
butt
belly
belly button
blocks
pumpkin
Monster
aww, a bo-bo
a fly (any kind of bug that ends in fly- dragonfly butterfly housefly etc)
Hopper (grasshopper)
frog
cold
many many more.

I have more but we have to go to the story time at the library right this second.

Vanity.

2008-08-03T17:58:00.003-05:00

I wasn't anorexic. I didn't puke on purpose. I ate plenty.

I was so skinny, it kind of hurts to look at pictures- my bones looked like rather birdlike and frail, my face looks a lot better now with some.... flesh on it.

You would think that I had gained 80 pounds or something, the way that I go on about it, really, honestly I have gained 20 since before the child.

I miss my fucking hipbones, my collarbones, the slim line of my wrists. I miss clothes that fit in ridiculous sizes that a child could wear. I miss shirts that come from little boys sections of the store, and all manner of things that are just stupid- I fall into a normal weight for the first time, and I should be okay with that. Instead, I want to lose. Not because I am funny like that or anything- but now I fall into normal. Normal people aren't happy with their weight. Most aren't, anyway.

I want all of those old clothes to fit. I wanna see my hipbones, I want for my underwear to not cut into my skin.

I suck. For wanting it, for not having it, I just can't figure out which way is right. I know that I am not too big, I hate myself for wanting to be that thin again, for not being happy, for being upset that I am not the skinniest girl in the room anymore, and for noticing it at all.

Myspace survey- I cop out...

2008-07-30T20:13:00.001-05:00

Does the word "pudding" make you laugh?
No, is it a code word for something else? Am I missing something?

What do you think your mom does when she goes out?
She handles her business.

What food makes you guilty when you eat it?
I eat whatever I want, and I don't feel any guilt.

Do chickens have feelings?
They feel pain. Take from that what you must, I did- meat free for over 5 years.

Is there something you do to help you sleep? Or something you cuddle with?
Yeah, I go lay down. I cuddle with pillows and my husband if there isn't a baby between us.

Is the person on your top number 1 your boyfriend/girlfriend?
He is my husband, best friend and partner in crime.

Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made?
It can be- It is certainly the most interesting thing in the world to draw or paint. Even Rubenesque bodies are fun to draw.

Do you consider cheese a major food group?
I like cheese, cheese is good.

One person that really bugs you:
Is also the one I love the most- it goes with the territory of being a toddler, I think.

Girl names you like:
Haha- I think I will cop out on this one- Poppy, Stella, Leighla, etc. Anybody that dares to be different than the top 10 of any given year.

Boy names you like:
Atticus(Finch), Holden (Caulfield), Rivers (I can't spell his last name but he's the lead of Weezer)

Do you know the pepto bismol song?
Pepto bismol has a song?

You just started to sing it?
I think this question is more of a sentance fragment.

Is your MySpace page set to private?
Yeah, it is.

If so, who are you hiding from?
I don't want people who don't know me to see pictures of my child.

Who is one person you wish you could fix things with?
I don't know. When I burn bridges, I want for them to stay burned.

Whats your favorite food at thanksgiving?
I hate thanksgiving. Let's kill turkeys! yuck. And last year? I almost died.

Do you know where you were conceived?
I don't know, but it was probably the back seat of a Ford somewhere.

How did you get your name?
One of my dad's had an ex girlfriend named Kimberly. He liked the name.

Whats to the right of you?
A broom, a printer, a loveseat.

When is the last time you saw a roach?
I don't know, who keeps track of shit like that?

When is the last time you saw your mom?
Yesterday, she brought Spoiled Child a t-shirt.

Whats the last you tube video you watched?
I sometimes entertain Spoiled Child with youtube- I think that it was the video for Ziggy Stardust. She said David Bowie was "pretty" I said, yeah baby, he is

Have you ever stolen a traffic cone?
Yeah, I don't recollect why.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever collected?
I collect buddha's

On average, how many texts do you send/recieve a day?
Not many

When was the last time you ate at a Waffle House?
SHE was 4 months old

What is the advertisement at the top of the page?
Who cares?

Are you wearing fingernail polish?
Nope. Toenails are painted green.

Do your parents have a myspace?
Nope

What is the nearest photo to you?
A stack of black and whites of She

Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle?
Mikey

What are you listening to?
Spoiled Child kicking the floor.

Do you have your own room?
I share it with my husband.

What do you think of Bush?
Bush is so 80's- I think you should at least trim that shit. Keep it under control, you know.

Have you ever failed a grade?
no

Do you feel like crying?
Right now? Um, no.

Would you like to learn how to pole dance?
Do I look like a hooker?

Can you burp the alphabet?
That's foul.

Attitude and other randomness.

2008-07-25T14:32:00.002-05:00

So, if the toddler years are anything like what I will be going through when the kidlet is a teenager? I am so screwed.

Bullet points from almost 19 months old, keeping this for posterity.

No means yes, except when it really means no. Remember this.
She can say "stop it" and she means it. Sometimes you get your hands popped too if you invade her personal space to say, change a diaper or something.
She still throws fits, but now she gently lays herself down in the floor, making sure not to bump her head before she does.
Funny note: she says "aw man, a bo-bo" when she hurts herself- or when she sees the previous bo-bo.
She asks for cream for her bo-bo's, and wishes to apply it herself thankyouverymuch.
She can take off and put on her own shoes, unless she can't, in which case YOU DO IT, and make it snappy.
She says she wants cheese for a snack, that could mean cheddar, colby-jack, a cheese stick, a slice of American or cottage cheese. You figure it out. Best not get it wrong.
She tells the dog to shut up. That's a "my bad" also the names she calls Jasin's cat- I won't write it down.
She says "fish" that means goldfish cracker, and "cake' means a rice cake.

Everyone says that it happens so quickly, I am here to tell you that that's no lie.

Also, my kid is a genius.

Life, it is dramatic..

2008-07-24T11:40:00.003-05:00

There is a crisis here, not with my immediate family, but with his. Whether it is a major crisis or a minor one remains to be seen, but in my mind a long battle is about to begin or end, one way or another. It is complicated, and personal for the soldier fighting this battle. I am not too sure the soldier wants to fight anymore- but is that because the soldier is tired, or because of Post-traumatic stress? Is it exhaustion or paranoia? Who the hell knows- we can only react at this point- no action allowed.

I hate not being able to be proactive. I hate waiting. I hate trying to get through the crazy to the moments of lucidity- even seeing the crazy is killing me, him, her, her and him. And probably our soldier too.

I want my child to know this soldier. I want this soldier to live that day in September and be proud, as he should. I don't have a solid belief system, that was burned out of me by malicious and ignorant people who should have been a tool for the word of God- but I will say, in the form of a prayer, as that is all I know how to do....

God hold us all in his hands, his will be done.

(PS, so sorry that I can't tell it straight out, this is a public space and "our soldier" is a private one. The fury would not end if this was found out and I had put personal business out there for anyone to see. "Cryptic statements are vague for a reason..." and all that.

Whoo-hoo!

2008-07-03T14:14:00.002-05:00

So yeah, things are great, I just had a bad day that one day. PMS and all that- I hate to use that excuse but yeah, the peak of the crazy is always PMS for me- I get crazy, clean shit like it's all going out of style, get a monthly promissory note and go, oh yeah, the crazy, I get it. So now, done with the over-share, moving on.

We went on vacation to the Gulf, and had a great time relaxin' on the beach and whatnot, it has been a week or more and I am still not unpacked because I hate to deal with the suitcase bullshit- The Spoiled Child has had a language explosion, I am talking full sentences now, telling me she's gotten her foot stuck instead of just freaking out and screaming, telling me her teeth hurt and the big one- stop it- her go to phrase for me doing anything she doesn't want for me to do, like changing her diaper or tickling when she's already in a bad mood. I think that I hate 'stop it', but I guess that it's better for her to be able to let her wishes be known. I always thought it was irritating that I couldn't make play stop with an adult because the adult's feelings mattered so much more than mine. It sucked.

J got rock band for the XBOX 360, he's ecstatic, of course, I got a new camera and am figuring it out SLOWLY, reading the manual and dicking around. That's all I've got.

Complaining on

2008-06-18T18:11:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I get frustrated and I want to blow my own freaking head off.

Maybe I should rephrase that... Nope. Sometimes I just don't want to handle all that I have gotten myself into. I mean, I have forgotten who I was before her, before him, and sometimes that is wonderful, a bag of peaches if you like them, or whatever- and sometimes it just means that I have lost myself completely.

Sometimes it's sad that I identify more as a mommy than I do as a human being.

Sometimes I get upset that I am not a better human being, that I can't keep the money- the fucking money- organised, that the house looks like a plastic monster threw up in it, my husband probably regrets the day that we met- other than the one thing that we have done together that neither of us would take back for all of the money in the world.

I suck.

Complaining over, thanks bye.

Hate

2008-06-02T11:21:00.004-05:00

So, my neighbors have about six dogs- I think. I can't keep up because they roam freely and they are everywhere. They are bad dogs- it happens when a person has too many and they get no attention or discipline.

Last week, Jasin and I put the Spoiled child into the stroller and walked down the street to speak to another neighbor- on our way back, the dogs circled up around us and started nipping at us. Jasin kicked at one, and another bit his heel (he is fine, he was wearing work boots, but still)

We called animal control- nothing. Sheriff? nothing. The neighbor was sitting on the porch and saw it all and said, "ya'll get back over here." no exclamation point, she didn't yell, she was just saying it to say it, she knew those damn dogs weren't coming back in the yard when there was prey in the road. Yeah, I did say prey- that's what these animals have turned into- hunters, killers.

Hypothetically, it can get worse. My cousin's baby lives a couple doors down from all this mess. I say baby but she is three and a half- and she is terrified of dogs. She sees one and runs and screams- and she is three and a half, so that means that you cannot reason with her, she runs off instinct and 3.5 year old stubborn. I am so terrified that those dogs are going to come near her and see her as an easy target. They came for two adults and one child, what's to stop them from coming after a 3.5 year old that looks like prey?

( I did call her mother and told her to watch that kid like a hawk. And keep her gun handy- I believe most dogs are good, and love animals, but one that bites a kid? Should bite the bullet.)

Dear Santa...

2008-05-20T16:33:00.003-05:00

Dear Pedestrian,

When exiting the major retailer with your two small children, please take care to LOOK BOTH WAYS before crossing the street. Your children's lives may depend upon it. Also, I was going less than 5 miles per hour, there's no need to give me a look like that.

Thanks!

Kim

________________________________________________________________

Dear Retail Shoppers,

When I am shopping and I say "excuse me" what I really mean is "You are in my way, but my mother taught me to be polite, and this small child that I have here in my cart needs to learn the same thing from her mother. Please stop talking to your long lost friend- neighbor- cousin's sister-in-law's best friend's brother and quit blocking the ice cream" Your response should be along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me" and not "uh-huh" so that I can teach the proper dialogue to my child. Under no circumstances should you just shoot me a dirty look. I will make up stories in my head about you being constipated or suffering from evil gas pains if you shoot me a dirty look.

Thank you,
Kim

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Retail Cashier,

I know that I didn't have my ID and you have to follow the law and all, but you don't have to be so damn GIDDY about it, also, THANK YOU!

Thanks again,
Kim

Two parter...

2008-05-15T12:10:00.004-05:00

An open letter to someone I used to work with.

Dear Ex-coworker

I know that we worked together for close to five years, and have seen each other daily for most of that time. You watched a whole lot of my life events take place, even if you weren't invited to some of them. We were acquaintances. Not friends. Let's make that clear.

You weren't invited to my wedding, I wonder why? Was it because I didn't want you there? I wonder?

All this is leading up to one thing- What makes you think that it is okay to ask me how I feel about my current weight? I would never ask anyone that question, ever. I might compliment their appearance and let them attach whatever signifigance to it that they wished, or I (more likely) would say nothing at all.

I gained 15 pounds from pre- pregnancy weight. I am not ashamed of that. The only part of my body that I wish wasn't, can be cured simply and easily, and is still far better looking than your size what? 18? 20?

As someone who was always telling me to eat, like I was anorexic or something, do you think I look bad? Or are you just trying to be a bitch?

You are a woman. You understand that women have unrealistic expectations about appearance, and always wish for more- couldn't you have thought before you opened your mouth and asked such a stupid question? If you were trying to get under my skin? You very much succeeded, and you suck.

PS. Still skinnier than you will ever be, hateful woman.

______________________________________________________________

Dear Parent,

If you let your child eat goldfish and M&M's for breakfast, lunch and dinner? The kid will have very unhealthy eating habits.

If you let the kid say their sorry when they don't understand what it means? The kid will use it as a get out of jail free card.

If you use "X's sick" they will also use that excuse to get their way and do whatever they want just because they don't feel good.

Don't get mad at me when I don't want your kid around mine.

PS Pull ups? Aren't just magical tools that make your kid go to the potty on its own. They are pull on diapers- they wick wetness away from the skin so your kid isn't uncomfortable. Potty training is supposed to be messy. Sucks but it's true

Political

2008-05-08T13:41:00.002-05:00

Let me start by saying, this is political, if you don't want to read it, move on.

I like Senator Obama. I think he is honest. His mannerisms and speech recall JFK, he speaks to my dry and brittle black liberal heart. He has plans to make health care available and less expensive, he's pro choice, and he is well educated and well written.

Yep, I am reading his book. If he was lying, it would have come out by now.

Jasin and I were talking politics the other night, while listening to C-span- and Mr Obama came on the radio. Jasin said to me- he seems so humble, and so unruffled. I agreed.

Maybe next year we can call him president.

Waddy waddy every where.

2008-05-01T12:40:00.002-05:00

Last night, Spoiled Child was just bitching about wanting water. She kept saying 'waddy, waddy' and was not being patient at all. I was getting it for her, JESUS.

She got quiet while I was in there.

I went around the corner, and child was using the plastic lid thing on the bottle? The cap or whatever the f*ck? To scoop water from the cat bowl. And drink it.

I am the best parent ever.

Random

2008-04-29T09:54:00.003-05:00

My daughter likes to clean things- I guess that should make me proud, right? She's only 15- almost 16 months old, and if you give her a baby wipe she will clean like it's the most fun in the world. Here is a list of the things Spoiled Child has wiped down in the last two days.

weeds outside
sand from the sandbox
dirty hardwood floors
3 different cats- with different responses each time. cat 1 just laid there cat 2 hissed cat 3 scratched the bejesus out of her.
the high (or low) chair. ( I sat a booster seat in the floor and she goes and gets in when she's hungry. My dishes get broken less because there's less space for them to fall)
the computer keyboard.
my shirt
my shoes
her shoes
that's all I can remember and there is a crisis at the moment- pause this

Sunflower seeds make a great distracting device, did you know that? Small enough not to be a choking hazard, also small enough to be very portable for tiny fingers. I will have to sweep later, but, heh, whatever. I will get to it.

Things I won't tell my kid. Also, let me pour some angst onto you now.

2008-04-21T12:42:00.003-05:00

When I was in college, I became a group whipping boy. I had no idea.

I had met this kid, and was "dating" him, but I had a huge crush on another guy that was also a freshman. He was pretty and kind, and we kind of awkwardly showed our crushes on one another.

He had dated one of the girls in the "group" earlier that summer and totally broke her heart. I didn't know, I was oblivious. That was me, totally oblivious to how I was perceived.

The girls in this group of friends mocked me, privately and publicly. To my face- and I- totally oblivious. They made plans to be my roommate, and then refused to answer my calls while we were on Christmas break, but after I had given up my place in the dorm. I had to find a place to live on my own, with no real way of knowing if I would find a roommate. It was harsh. I still had no idea why they were outing me. I was a group whipping boy. It hurt. I still don't trust people or their perceptions of me.

It worked out in the end, I found a good roommate and went on with my post-teen- aged angst from there, but it still hurt. It still hurts. Why are girls and women so cruel to one another?

I don't know why I wouldn't tell my child that story. Is it because I come out so close to being a victim, and I hate the idea of myself being a victim in any circumstance? Is it because the story makes me look so stupid, so immature, so uncool?

I never want for her to have to go through something so.... stupid, and hope for her to have a better ability to not be so... trusting, and yet- I want her to not have this horrible inability to see the good in people. I don't want for to be unable to see the good, to have the trusting, the love, the happiness, but not to get burned.

Building

2008-04-21T09:16:00.003-05:00

Part of the fun of having a kid? Is getting to build things. Before Aya was born, I had a baby shower and my cousins and an Aunt (Aunt Sheila, Crystal and Jessica, HI!) bought a swing for us.

But it wasn't just a swing! It converted to an infant chair, and a rocking chair for when the kid got older! It was the all kinds of awesome.

I worked on it every night for a month, Jasin worked on it every day for a month, we just barely had it together before she was born, and boy am I freaking glad because the kid? still uses it everyday- at least the rocking chair part. But that joker was HARD.

Or so I thought.

My older brother and sister-in- law- Jeremiah and Sarah respectively- bought my niece, Haley, 2, a swing set. It is an awesome swing set. It came in 5 boxes. They have been working on it for 2 weeks now, and we went to help this weekend.

It still isn't finished. They built the clubhouse, clubhouse has a roof. Still have to get the tower, the crawl tunnel, the slide, the swings and the rock wall up. That's a lot of hours to put a swing set up.

Haley had better LOVE it. And possibly live in it. :)

2008-04-18T13:57:00.003-05:00

These days, it's crazy. To borrow a phrase, it's Molarball 2008, and it has short people angry. And irritated. And regressing.

She wouldn't sleep by herself at naptime. She told me she wasn't hungry, then ate a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She fell out in the floor and screamed because I told her she couldn't have the telephone to play with. She can NEVER have the phone to play with, I dunno what the big damn deal is. Oh well.

We have a new cat, as of Easter. I wanted to name it easter, per Tori Amos- Jasin named it NEWBIE, because I called her a newbie by accident one day. Cat is evil, know anybody who wants a cat? If I can upload it to the computer, Jasin got some awesome footage of her duking it out with her tail. Hissing and growling and kicking her own self in the face, she is that crazy.

I guess that I have nothing more to say, out.

Today was a good day....*

2008-03-11T18:16:00.003-05:00

And that was sarcasm, yay!

The little one has been unusually clingy today, and as a person that sincerely values my personal space, it has sapped my patience down to zero. So I may have threatened to toss her out the window. Maybe not, but every mom goes through it- right?

My dad came by and carried her off to go spend some time with him and her Nana, thank g*d. Otherwise I would have to deal a little while with just her because Jasin just got super smash brothers and I totally don't begrudge him that. He needs the downtime just as much as I do.

Nobody ever said that it was easy, but sometimes they sure made it look like it.

*as always, bonus points to whomever gets the reference. Hell, bonus points to anyone who reads this stupid blog that is just taking up space on the interweb.

:D

Through the eyes of a child.

2008-03-07T13:02:00.003-06:00

I can remember everything being big, and I know that she sees everything that way now. In her eyes, right now, she is just as big as me, and I would keep it that way if I could, her being just as important as any other person, adult or child, male or female, one or three. It will not stay that way- she will go through that wonderful mindfuck that is puberty, one day, far from now. When that happens, her opinions will seem so small compared to everyone else's and that whole process is just so... suck.

I am not afraid of the coming years, I think that they will be magical. She will not learn that her opinions and emotions and thoughts are unimportant through me. I always want for her to be who she is, and stay true to herself throughout all the hard parts of her life.

Today when we were walking outside, she saw the tiny violet flowers that grow in the grass in the spring, and pointed them out to me, plucking them out with globs of dirt still attached and giving them to me like a gift, and I could not help but smile. It has been years and years since I have really seen those tiny purple flowers, and I am glad that she made me see them once again.

I will take care to not step on them.

I hate mechanical devices, except when they make my life easier

2008-03-06T14:45:00.002-06:00

Jasin's car sucks. Really sucks, now. He was driving down the interstate, about six months ago, and had a blow out on the passenger front tire. He had to ride on the rim for a bit, and completely screwed that up. So we got a rim- it doesn't match, but it does the job. It had a dry rotted tire on it and- procrastination special! We never replaced it.

Yesterday it came all apart. On the interstate, again.

Sometimes when tires shred? They come apart in pieces? And those pieces beat the hell out of your car as the tire is spinning very very fast. And sometimes the hell beating out of snatches all of the wiring out from where it goes to the headlights and the blinkers and whatnot. And it sucks.

His dad is going to try and fix it. Here's to dad's who know how to fix shit. And don't worry, we solved the tire issue- hopefully.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We started smoking again. It was either that or we would have ended up divorced. Neither of us are just very nice people without the nicotine, and that sucks, but there it is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

T- minus 3 days and counting... to what you ask? Why, I am counting down the days until my husband ignores me and our kid for a new video game. Again. :) But it isn't just any video game- it's super smash brothers. Which is important because he has been waiting on it to come out for something like 8 years. So we'll deal.

Awe inspiring

2008-03-03T09:17:00.002-06:00

I don' t brag about my kid, because nobody likes a bragger. It is true that I am a stay at home mom, and that I have nothing to talk about other than my girl, but I tend to talk more about the rough times rather than the beautiful, more about the tantrums than the magic.

My girl is magical. She wakes up sunshine, kisses and hugs and talking in her 14 month old gibberish language and calls all four legged creatures 'dog' emphatically, with the word just bursting from her body.

She is my piglet, knows the word for 'cheese' and 'nana'- the word for both a banana and her Nana- my mom.

She is such a busy little girl, room to room, chasing cats, climbing the baby gate that I should probably just take down and give up on already.

She is stubborn, my girl, just like her mom- tenatious and strong- the other kids can't take a toy away from her without a fight.

She has always been ahead of herself, and maybe that's why I don't brag-I don't want to be the parent that everyone thinks is making stuff up- and maybe I don't want everyone to know that I wish she had not grown so fast.

Fluttering...

2008-02-14T10:52:00.002-06:00

I am a slob.

There. I said it. I own it, now maybe the guilt will go away.
....
....
....
....
Okay, the guilt didn't go away. My house is still a mess, and people still judge me for it. So you think I am slovenly when you come in my house and there is laundry all over my couches and piled in baskets and my bed isn't made. Laundry is hard, there is nowhere for it to go; but for once, my kitchen is clean.

I can say that my kitchen is clean and that it has been for a week. Every night, the dishes get done, floor swept, spots mopped up and the dishes put away.

I had heard of flylady years ago, and J made fun of me for trying it. He isn't mocking me as much for it now.

I just need to step it up.
And let go of the guilt.

I say, I have nothing to say...

2008-02-06T09:48:00.000-06:00

She speaks, and I am shocked, every time, I am shocked.

I go to get her breakfast, and I ask- Are you hungry?

She says 'cheese?'

While cutting the banana, I tell her what it's name is, she says it- 'nana'

When she falls over a toy in the floor, and it didn't hurt too bad- and we pretended not to see- she says 'owww'- like I do.

She says 'dog' as soon as we walk outside.

I have to watch the F bombs in traffic.

Apparently I want for my husband to hate me.

2008-01-28T10:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I did some laundry and managed to wash Jasin's cell phone . This morning I let his cat outside.

*Just now, cat meowed at the door. Yay!

A week! And I have nothing to say!

2008-01-25T08:39:00.000-06:00

Spoiled child is adjusting her nap schedule. This really sucks, she is skipping one nap and then being ill for the rest of the day. No fun.
Someone I used to know is coming into town from Texas, not simply to see me, but to see "everybody." This includes a whole lot of people that I don't know or don't like or am just not comfortable around because of the soul sucking nature of there mind numbing mediocrity. And stupid pop culture. Like booty dancing- ick.
There was an incident with my dog this weekend, but no witnesses. And the person who SAYS that the incident happened is a known liar. But I am worried about the dog situation.
It is so cold. Like 50 or something.
My bastard cats have torn through the house and the rug is all bunched up from where they have slid on it across the floor.
I may be joining the gym. I want to, maybe it will be fun.
Don't get mad at me when you want to hang out and talk about it all week and then put me off with a lame excuse- and then I don't even play anymore. Because at least I am honest. I don't hang out with people that make me feel less than. I am so done with that.
Bullet points make your thoughts look less erratic. I am lame like THAT.

Nightmares..

2008-01-18T08:00:00.000-06:00

I dream about leaving her. Last night, I left her in the car, alone in the house, outside in a swimmy pool... always the same heart- rending, thump thump thump deep breath-wheew! she's okay.

I never want to leave her.

This year I'll try not to drink too much...

2008-01-17T17:48:00.000-06:00

Also known as my late new year's resolutions.

#1. I resolve to try and hate people less. This means people in the grocery and in traffic.

#2. I resolve to quit "searching for (my)self in other people's eyes. I can't keep letting my self- worth get all wrapped up in other people's opinions. If anyone knew how much I did this, they' probably suggest meds or something; I don't wanna do that. Can anyone say inferiority complex, much?

#3. I am going to try and make friends with someone. That sounds really pitiful, sorry, that's just the way it is. And I really mean "new friend"

#4. I am going to stop mumbling about shit. My kid can hear me and I don't want her to grow up with the social anxiety and all.

#5. I am going to stop being a slave to a major corporation. (this means I will quit drinking coke at some point this year.

*points to anyone who can figure out the band/song title in the title of this post, if anyone ever reads this.

Maniacs in the park

2008-01-12T12:32:00.000-06:00

Spoiled child celebrated her first birthday on last Saturday, though technically her birthday wasn't until Wednesday. On Wednesday I met her Nana and her cousin at the park.

About 5 minutes into playing at the park we were joined by a crazy.

An older lady, whom was probably technically harmless, kept tailing us throughout the park.

From the tire swing to the infant swings, from slide to slide to the sandbox, she never let us go more than 6 feet away.

She pointed out Spoiled Child's birthmark and my ma got snippy. I kept dodging because of the smell. My g*d, the smell.

So, apparently, she had wet her pants and didn't know it? And couldn't take the hint that we didn't come here to talk or play with her? I kind of felt bad to begin with, you could tell that she was lonely, but how could she not notice the smell? Or the wetness? How awful for her, and uncomfortable for us. We ended up leaving the park after only a little while.

Should we have told the crazy to please let us be? Should we have told her that she had wet her pants?

Or should we have just let it be?

I don't think that anyone will ever see this...

2008-01-11T14:06:00.000-06:00

But I have created a blog! Join the bandwagon Kim, and find something else that keeps you from doing the housework.

Who wants to do housework anyway? Not me.

The neighbor is beating on sh*t again, what joy.

I am not sure that I have that much to say, but I guess that now, at least, I have a voice.

How do you start this anyway? Do you jump right in?

I have started Journals before, but I never remember exactly how to.

Oh well, It will keep me busy while the Spoiled Child is sleeping in my lap. For almost two hours at a time. Joy.